...
Just goes to show you can't trust anybody
One day you're like sisters
And the next you gotta start watching your back
She could be a movie star making millions
With the way she can put on an act
Fooled the hell outta me
Now she's someone I never thought she would be
It's crazy to see how quickly
People get up and leave
Who would've guessed
She would willingly trash her status
Go from the best of the best
To being the one who shattered us
Maybe if she had come to me
When she felt like the problem had started
But no, she just tells me everythings fine
Then goes behind my back telling people I caused it
And now she's speaking words out her mouth
Saying what she thinks I'll like
But all her talk is bullshit
She don't mean one word of it
Then she tries to buy me that $300 bike
HEY FUCKER YOU CAN'T BUY FRIENDSHIP
I'm so sick of your dumb shit
Fuckin trick
You're the one who wanted to leave
You decided I'm not someone you need
So why can't you let it be
Truthfully, you don't mean anythying to me
The only reason I can't stop thinking
About everything that's happened
Is I still don't know how the fuck this happened
But it's too late now
To retrace my steps and take back the things I regret
Now there's just too much crap in our past to forget

just had to vent a lil bit

...
Like in September
Me and my friend were going through some hard times
I felt like that shit was ruining my whole life
But it's alright because now we're fine
How about July
That was one hell of a time
A month full of bullshit
Turned out to be a year full of lies
Back in June
I just wanted to get out of school
So I tried coasting through
But I only passed by the skin of my teeth
Since I'm known to be a failure
It wasn't a surprise feeling like the ground was being pulled out
From underneath my feet
April was pretty bad
My grandma would've been 76 on her birthday
They say "everything happens for a reason"
But I still don't understand why she had to go away
It was cold in Februrary
And my gandma's 1 year anniversary
She's been gone too long
Life with out her feels wrong
Skipping back to October
Horvat died and he was like a father figure in my eyes
So now I spend all my time wishing I wasn't sober

---

I can't always explain how I feel
But I fill up blank pages
So I know my pains for real
So I can see my words bleed
Realize everythings not always gonna be alright
Get used to the idea that there's no complaining
And stop wishing I couldn't feel
I should take these lessons as blessings
But instead I see my glass as half empty
So many friends I wish could've kept me
Even though I think it's easier to hide
When I don't let anybody know about the inside
I still wish I could go to someone
Just to listen to them say everything'll be fine
Even knowing that it's not
I don't wanna keep writing line after line
About thoughts that don't make sense
Most of the time my lines don't even rhyme
I know that's not important
But it gives me a better feeling of accomplishment
This ADD's throwing me off track
So back to the rain
That I gotta walk in basically everyday
Like looking at a father that needs an assistant
To remind him when it's my birthday
And it's a shame
Everything we could've been, the time that we could've spent
Now every inch of me fills with anger when I hear his name
But I'm used to my life being bent
Being so close to broken
And I've never been this outspoken
But since lately everyones been changing
I guess it's ok for me to finally say shit
...

---

they all pretty much suuuck but i think this ones the worst lol its one of those poems where i think of a line in my head n try to get everything to flow with it but usuallyyy it never does.. example #1 -

...
Switching topics
Heres a hot pick
I don't know if you heard
One of my good friends passed away October 23rd
I'll never forget the day I got that call
I felt like someone had shoved their hand down my throat
Then pulled it out and threw my insides all over the wall

i never finished it cuuz as u can read it shouldn't have even started

Currently Listening In Love and Death By The Used Hard To Say see related

this is a ramble/random/corny/selfish entry.. i'm not expecting anyone to read this n blahh i just wanna write so i can get some stuff out cuz it's supposed to 'make me feel better'

so mr. horvat died.  that's like one of the hardest things i've ever had to say in my friggen life.  i think the school was all boohoo for a week then got over it n acted like it never happened.  n it's fucked up but at the same time i don't really blame them.  if u didn't know him then why should it bring u down? n i get that.  but i don't think ppl get that fact that there's a few ppl that'll never be the same.  i've been reeaallyyy selfish through this whole thing.  like i know i'm not the only one but all i can think about is crap like 'how could this happen to me' n 'what did i do that was so bad he had go away' n it's bullshit but its like the only way i think.  i'm like two ppl now.  half of me knows he's gone but the other half can't believe it.  randy called me the sunday that it happened at 10:30ish n i was sleeping n didn't hear my phone ring but i called him back around 11-11:30.  i had no idea anything had happened u know so i thought he was calling cuz there was supposed to be a big skate session at the blue he had told me about n i assumed he was just reminding me.  so he answers n i'm like hey what's up n he goes cayley i have some bad news.  i ddin't really think anything of it like i thought he was just joking with all his seriousness.  n i was like 'ok' n he goes 'are u ready' n i'm just like 'yeah?' n then he said 'mr. horvat died this morning' n my eyes were like a fuckin ocean n i felt like someone had shoved their hand down my throat n pulled out all my insides.  so i cried most of sunday away but it hadn't really started to set in. on monday i went straight to 1st pd n when i saw the connecting door closed i felt like my heart fell to my feet n my stomach jumped to my throat.  mr .horvat was like the father i wish i had.  i'm almost 17 n i have to go the REST OF MY FUCKIN LIFE WITH OUT HIM?  HOW DO I DO THAT? like 5 years from now am i supposed to not remember him? 10 years from now? 20 years, 30 years, 40 years, 50 years, however the fuck long i live.  50 YEARS with out one of the ppl that meant the most to me.  how can i do that? i went to parklawn on his bday to take flowers or whatever n it was crap.  i went there thinking i would would feel better or some shit cuz even tho i couldn't see him i knew that's where he was.. but i didn't.  i just stood there n looked at dirt.  he can't really be there? HE'S NOT ONE OF THE PPL I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO SEE TOMORROW?  i never would've thought i couldn't go talk to him about something.  i know everyone only talks about the good things when someone dies but with horvat i don't think there was really any bad things to hide.  i dunno i'll write more later

I wanna say I'm sorry for my mistakes
Even knowing you're probably gonna throw it in my face
And I wanna make this clear so no one misunderstands
Yeah I'm apologizing but I still don't wanna be your friend
And I'm not taking all the blame
Because you're the ones who left
You're probably gonna come back at me like "what are you talking about?"
It's just how I felt
And there's no changing the past

I was the one who would've stayed if everyone walked out
I never thought our bond would go up in flames
Because you had too many tricks up your sleeve
You played too many fuckin games
So now I promise I'll be the first one to leave

Currently Listening Feels Like Today By Rascal Flatts I'm Movin' On see related

random lyrics/poems/quotes:

Feeding you the best of me, I should've fed you shit
We started off closer than close
But who could've predicted or known
Your triflin' ways would've stopped our growth

If you're so strong you might as well do it alone

I guess it's time I started facing facts
Chances are you are never coming back

Here I am thinking you're gonna suffer too
Thinking I'm not the only one who can't make it through
But really I'm the only one who lost it all
Really it's just me who can't get over these walls

I look at you with such disdain

Lets start out by starting over
What did I expect?
You're no good at lying
And I'm no good at comebacks

If you wanna know where your heart is just look where your mind goes when it wanders

Got me tearing out
Your half of this photograph
Got me wishing I
Could erase your face from my past

You lying stupid son of a bitch
Fuck you and your bullshit, you make me fuckin sick

And your eyes is the look of resentment
I can sense it and i don't like it

When I look into your eyes there's nothing there to see
Nothing but my own mistakes staring back at me

And you're the problem and you can't feel
Try this on, straightjacket feeling
So maybe I won't be alone
Take back now, my life you're stealing

Everything falls apart
Even the people who never frown
Eventually break down

I know I've been mistaken
But just give me a break and see the changes that I've made
I've got some imperfections
But how can you collect them all and throw them in my face

They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.

I don't know why you keep fucking up like you do
I think someones gone and fucked up the best of you

And when you're crawling over broken glass to get to me
That's when I'll let you stay

Did you ever hear her laugh? When she laughed, you swore you'd never cry again.

The weather says the sun won't shine
And I've arrested my free time
No bottle here to ease my mind

I was drifting in between
Like I was on the outside looking in
In my dreams you are still here
Like you've always been

And I'm always wrong, I don't know else to do
Except drown in the rain
With my best friends anger, shame, and pain

I don't know why I can't let it all go or why I even try to make you stay
I don't know why I think you care or why I think someday you might change
Everytime we play this game it's always the same fuckin thing
I ask you not to leave but you get up and walk out anyway

Something is wrong, something has been broken
Something isn't working, I think you hurt me
Intentionally..
You knocked me down physically and mentally
I thought you knew how much you meant to me

We didn't get torn down
And you can't say I didnt try my best for you
Things just fell to pieces
I know it's best to walk away and forget the shit we went through
But I could never do that
And for a second I thought you felt that way too

I think karmas gonna smack you in the face harder than I ever could.

Spare me just three last words
"I love you" is all she heard
I'll wait for you, but I can't wait forever

And I swear that drunken phone call was all lies
You don't mean anything to me

What do I have but negativity
Cause I can't justify the way everyone is looking at me

then as soon as someone "better" comes along they are gone just like that! i dont become friends with someone so that as soon as they find someone else they spend all their fucking time with that one person

I wish I could count to ten
Make everything be wonderful again

Even though you're so close
You're still so distant
And I can't bring you back

Every line is about who I don't wanna write about anymore

I don't think you ever gave enough
You think I played too much
I think you were too quick to give up
You think I held on too tight
I know we had our differences
But you never even tried

Why are you leaving
You said you couldn't live with out me
Why are you so mad and always screaming
How come all of a sudden you don't need me
When two seconds ago I was the reason you're breathing